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   I have heard it said time and again that you cannot choose your family; you can only choose your friends. Although I disagree with this as a general rule; I do not believe that blood alone makes a family, the sentiment is accurate. With that notion, however, where does that leave pets? Those of us who have pets know the important place they occupy in our lives and in our hearts. In fact, over 80% of American pet owners consider their pets to be members of their family; I would fall into that statistic. Pets have the incredible ability to know when to leave you alone and when, despite your protests, you need to be loved. They know instinctively when you need someone close to you who does not judge you, but only wants to comfort you.

   It is an incredible and wondrous journey when we commit to the responsibility of bringing a pet into our lives. We commit to, and provide a loving, safe and healthy environment that we share with our family, friends and pets. To me, as with many others, pets are more then mere animals. They are companions who come into our lives for various reasons and for various lengths of time. To a degree, pets help fill a void in our ever demanding life. They serve as a source of unconditional love, in an often harsh world. They listen to our stories and do not pass judgment, they accept us for who we are, and overlook our flaws and imperfections. And, they also forgive us without question. Regardless of my hectic schedule, or what piece of legislation, which disaster or animal fighting raid I am working on, as soon as I open my front door, I am greeted by wagging tails and barks of joy. They forgive the missed walks, the missed belly scratches and hugs in the morning and they forgive the missed play time; they are just excited to see me, and it feels good to be home.

   For the past eighteen years, I was fortunate to share my life with a wonderful Pomeranian named Rowdy. Her brother, Hootie, died the previous year at seventeen years of age. Throughout the years, we went on hikes on hikes, to the dog park or just on long walks in the neighborhood. I took them camping and even vacationed with them. I bought them holiday gifts and I donated in their name. But every memory generated designates the passing of time. Although grateful for the time we shared, I felt helpless as I watched their vision fade and the pace of their walk slow. I agonized as I watched the bad days out number the good days. I could not imagine another summer walk, autumn leaves or the blanket of winter snow without them, but I could also not imagine allowing them suffer in pain. Making the decision to put them down was not easy. Those of you who have made this decision know the pain. It doesn’t matter that it was the right thing to do; it doesn’t make the loss any less painful.

   When a person you love dies, it is natural to feel sorrow, express grief, and expect friends and family to provide understanding and support. Unfortunately, the same doesn’t always hold true when the loss you are grieving is of a companion animal. Many people do not respect the closeness and compassion we share with our pets. They reduce the loss, in my case, of an eighteen year relationship to the death of ‘just a pet.’

   Nothing could be further from the truth. We love our pets and they are, indeed, a part of our family. Given the amount of emotional support and unconditional love you have shared, it is not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of sorrow when your pet dies. That you already accept and appreciate the bond between humans and animals indicates that you have already taken the first step toward coping with pet loss: knowing that it is okay to grieve for your pet.

   The grief process is as individual as the person, lasting for days for one person or years for another. Understanding how you grieve and finding ways to cope with your loss can bring you closer to the day when memories bring smiles instead of tears. While grief is a personal experience, you do not need to face it alone. Many forms of support are available, including bereavement counseling, pet loss support groups and hot lines, books and videos. Here are a couple suggestions the may help you cope:

1. Acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to express it.
2. Don’t hesitate to reach out to others who can lend a sympathetic ear.
3. Write about your feelings.
4. Contact your local humane society or religious affiliation to see of they offer a pet loss support group.
5. Explore the internet for pet loss support or chat rooms.
6. Prepare a memorial for your pet.

   One of the most difficult dilemmas involves when the appropriate time to get a new pet is. I would encourage you to wait a few months, or longer, before bringing a new pet into your life. It was a little different for me, even after Rowdy’s death in November 2008; I still had two wonderful dogs, J’Maul and Annikka. So I did not walk into an empty home. I understand that it is tempting to fill the void of one pet’s passing with another pet. But, as you know, they are not interchangeable. It is best to mourn the loss of your old companion so that when you do bring a new pet home, you are able to appreciate your new best friend as an individual personality and not as a replacement. Follow your instincts; you will know when it is right to bring a new pet into your life.

   Pets are unique; we allow them into some of the most guarded parts of our private lives. They last longer than many relationships and jobs. Because of this loyalty, we allow them to reach deeper into our lives than we allow any human. And although we know that all too soon we will need to say good-bye, we willingly share with them what we give to very few others: unconditional love, faith, loyalty and respect. To this end, we must protect their memories and learn from how they have touched our lives. The best way I can honor the lives of Hootie and Rowdy, as well as all the thousands of dogs that die everyday in shelters waiting to find a person who will love them, is to be the person my dog thinks I am. Although I know I may fall short, I also know I am a better person for having tried. This I learned from my dogs.

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